/*

File name: webfeeds/factscanada_quotes_funny.js
Web site: FactsCanada.ca | www.factscanada.ca
Created by Craig Hartnett of NinerNet Communications at http://www.niner.net
Copyright (c) 1996-2006 NinerNet Communications. All rights reserved.
Version 2.00, Monday, November 14, 2005.

Recent Revision History:

	2005:11:14 (2.00)	-	File created.

To Do:

- Instead of using relative font sizes (e.g., font size=-3, which could cause problems on sites with non-standard default font sizes), consider absolute sizes (e.g., font size=1).

*/


<!-- Begin
theDate= new Date();
var day = theDate.getDate();
var textdate = (theDate.getMonth() + 1) + '/' + theDate.getDate() + '/2000';

var numquotes = 31;
q = new Array(numquotes+1);
q[1]="\"Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.\"<br /><i>--Pierre Elliott Trudeau (1919-2000), former prime minister.</i>";
q[2]="\"Canada is a country so square that even the female impersonators are women.\"<br /><i>--Richard Benner.</i>";
q[3]="\"Canada: A few acres of snow.\"<br /><i>--Voltaire (1694-1778).</i>";
q[4]="\"MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.\"<br /><i>--Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), The Devil's Dictionary.</i>";
q[5]="\"Canadians are cold so much of the time that many of them leave instructions to be cremated.\"<br /><i>--Cynthia Nelms.</i>";
q[6]="\"How many times do you have to beat a dead horse until it stops breathing?\"<br /><i>--Anonymous City of Vancouver Alderman.</i>";
q[7]="\"Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.\"<br /><i>--Maryon Pearson, wife of Lester B. Pearson.</i>";
q[8]="\"Canada is a collection of ten provinces, with strong governments, loosely connected by fear.\"<br /><i>--Dave Broadfoot.</i>";
q[9]="\"Canada is not so much a country as a clothesline nearly 4000 miles long. St. John's in Newfoundland is closer to Milan, Italy, than it is to Vancouver!\"<br /><i>--Simon Hoggart, British columnist and journalist.</i>";
q[10]="\"Even when Canadian humour is awful, it just lies there being awful in its own fresh way.\"<br /><i>--Robert Thomas Allen, humorist and writer.</i>";
q[11]="\"Lusaka tower, this is Green Leader...\"<br /><i>--Green Leader.</i>";
q[12]="\"It's hard to make predictions -- especially those about the future.\"<br /><i>--Allan Lamport, former mayor of Toronto.</i>";
q[13]="\"Calgary is surely the only major North American city where, as reflection of its 'cow-town' past, auto expressways are still called Trails.\"<br /><i>--John M. Scott, editor.</i>";
q[14]="\"Dear, never forget one little point: It's my business. You just work here.\"<br /><i>--Elizabeth Arden (as said to her husband).</i>";
q[15]="\"Spank you very much!\"<br /><i>--Jim Carrey, comedian and actor.</i>";
q[16]="\"If you didn't have a developed bosom, you had to be smart.\"<br /><i>--June Callwood, writer and journalist, discussing sex appeal during her high school years in the early 1930s.</i>";
q[17]="\"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.\"<br /><i>--Charlotte Whitton, former mayor of Ottawa.</i>";
q[18]="\"Ordinary mud is bad enough, when you have to make your home in it, but the particular brand of mud that infests a cavalry camp has a meanness all its own.\"<br /><i>--Billy Bishop (1894-1956), World War One fighter pilot, winner of the Victoria Cross.</i>";
q[19]="\"I have no goals or ambitions. I do however, wish to work enough to maintain whatever celebrity status I have so that they will continue to invite me to golf tournaments.\"<br /><i>--Leslie Nielsen, actor.</i>";
q[20]="\"A drunkard, likes to be drunk. An alcoholic can't stand to be sober.\"<br /><i>--Alden Nowlan, poet.</i>";
q[21]="\"Behind every joke there is a deep cultural grievance. You cannot have a joke without a grievance.\"<br /><i>--Marshall McLuhan (1911-1980), communications theorist.</i>";
q[22]="\"I cannot recall a time when I was not conscious of the deep, heaving, rolling ocean of hilarity that lies so very near the surface of life in most of its aspects.\"<br /><i>--Robertson Davies, writer.</i>";
q[23]="\"If you wish to tell the truth, make people laugh. But if you wish to make people laugh, tell the truth.\"<br /><i>--Camillien Houde (1889-1958), politician, former mayor of Montreal.</i>";
q[24]="\"A Canadian is somebody who knows how to make love in a canoe.\"<br /><i>--Pierre Burton, journalist.</i>";
q[25]="\"Boy meets girl in Winnipeg and who cares?\"<br /><i>--John Hugh MacLennan (1907-1990), novelist.</i>";
q[26]="\"I really want to love somebody. I do. I just don't know if it's possible forever and ever.\"<br /><i>--Jim Carrey, comedian and actor.</i>";
q[27]="\"It's going to take a certain man for me to ever get involved with, because he'll have to realize I don't have two children, I have three. Tommy is always going to always be a part of my life.\"<br /><i>--Pamela Anderson, actress.</i>";
q[28]="\"I'm basically a sexless geek. Look at me, I have pasty-white skin, I have acne scars and I'm five-foot-nothing. Does that sound like a real sexual dynamo to you?\"<br /><i>--Mike Myers, comedian.</i>";
q[29]="\"Edmonton isn't really the end of the world, although you can see it from there.\"<br /><i>--Ralph Klein, politician, Albertan premier.</i>";
q[30]="\"We have never been a melting pot. The fact is we are more like a tossed salad. We are green, some of us are oily and there's a little vinegar injected when you get up to Ottawa.\"<br /><i>--Arnold Edinborough, art critic.</i>";
q[31]="\"Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.\"<br /><i>--P.J. O'Rourke.</i>";

quox = q[day]
document.write("<table border=\"0\" bgcolor=\"#c70000\" cellpadding=\"2\" cellspacing=\"0\" width=\"250\"><tr><td><table border=\"0\" bgcolor=\"#fff8e0\" cellpadding=\"4\" cellspacing=\"0\" width=\"100%\"><tr><td><font face=\"Verdana,Arial,Helvetica\" color=\"#c70000\" size=\"-1\"><b>Daily Canadian quote:</b></font></td></tr><tr><td><font face=\"Verdana,Arial,Helvetica\" color=\"#c70000\" size=\"1\">" + quox + "</font></td></tr><tr><td align=\"center\"><font size=\"-3\" face=\"Verdana,Arial, Helvetica\" color=\"#c70000\"><b>&copy; 2000-2006 <a href=\"http://www.factscanada.ca/\" target=\"_factscanada\" title=\"FactsCanada.ca -- Canadian trivia, facts, statistics, biographies, news and more!\"><font color=\"#c70000\">FactsCanada.ca</font></a></center></b></font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table>")
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